July 29th 446am

She walks through the door feeling like there’s still time. Hoping that she’s not too late to make it right. Make it Ok. She’s been here before. She knows how this will play out but still she hopes that this time may be different. Yesterday when waiting for the train she reminisced about the time in her life when things were simpler. A time when she felt sure and accomplished. Nothing could stop her and everything could shape her….Now she’s not so sure. She steps inside and finds familiar things. The old rocker with the broken arm sits in the corner. The overcrowded tv stand filled with various miscellaneous items. Remotes, coins, cards, books, cable boxes, pennies, and chargers. The bumblebee colored bookcase standing regally and slightly ajar. She continues down the hall taking notice of all of the things that have been screaming for attention. Years of life happening as life lives life leaving trails of mini rubble. In the sea of the constantly shifting reaction/action circumstances that weave their way into the fabric of she. Persistence. Persistence is key. She’s always known that by being steadfast in her determination she would find a way. She may not know where she’s going but she knows that she will get there. Sometimes when she’s up at night she finds comfort in the fact that she is not the first. Knowing that others have prevailed gives her the tinge of encouragement that she needs to continue onward. Go forward. When she reaches the end of the hall she sees what she came for. Engulfed in the light and yet hidden in plain sight is the one that can make it all ok. The one who sees beyond the pale and through the fog. The one who knows her far more then she knows herself. There he stands with his gentle eyes and open spirit, ready to accept her now and forever unconditionally. He smiles and invites her, they sync up like the hands of a clock…harmonious existence.

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For Safaa

I hear it in your voice. You wonder and you muse. You see the differences and question why. How can I instill in you the truth about your greatness? How can I ensure that you don’t feel powerless…less than? In this callous world that doesn’t care for me and you in the way that’s warranted but holds us accountable and in sin for being what we are meant to be. I see the images come across the screens and I feel frustrated that there are next to no representations of YOUR beauty for you to reference. The danger is real I know this. I’ve been there. I know how confusing it can be when you want what others have or want to look like others look. You may feel like, Why me? Why am I different? Why am I THIS? Why am I THAT? I want you to know that you come from greatness and are greatness personified. You are special and unique. Pure and true! You are strong. Of this I’m sure but are you strong enough? And are you allowed to falter? Can you try and fail? Can you explore and be curious to your hearts content? Will you be crucified for not living up to some alien standard of beauty and character? Will you find yourself misunderstood, marginalized, and confused? I know the subtly overt and covert ways that razor sharp cuts slice and run free off their tongues. The side eye they employ and the awkward silences that are meant to diminish, segregate, and put you in your place. I want to protect you and shield you from the pain but I can’t. I know that I can only guide and advise you and arm you with my experiences and stories. Ultimately I have to release you and be ready to console you when the viper strikes.

As you dance

As I sit in the audience waiting for you to make your appearance I get excited because I know what you bring. I have only seen you perform one other time not counting the 3 second videos you think you be “sharing” that always leave me feeling cheated and wanting to see more. I see you walk down the aisle with confident long strides, your head held high. You begin to transcend the steps, eyes unwavering in your focus. Competence bountiful and self confidence that only comes from a mixture of determination and skill. The curtain opens and you step into your domain. Watching you I have no doubt that you own the space. I have no doubt that you have come there to share with us a piece of your soul most generously. I sit on the edge of my seat as you run and begin. There is a beautiful juxtaposed element to your dancing. The power and strength in your movements is captivating. Yet there are moments of vulnerability and subtle softness unfolding that leave me feeling your humility and humanity. You dance big and boldly as you traverse across and through the stage. Weaving a fascinating story with your expansive movements. With arms wide and reaching towards all corners and the tilt of your head this way and that you continue to hold our attention and focus. Like I told you, you don’t know and can’t know how you reach the audience. You don’t know and can’t know what we see. What makes us love you and how you touch our hearts. Don’t doubt your talent. Don’t doubt your gifts. Stay true to you and continue to share yourself and your love.

~Lakesbeans

Whitedanger

blackpain_woman470x270

Suffocation occurs when breath is restricted

Fabrication smothers the truth in white danger

Never forget tight lips faces pulled back in righteousness

Never remember the truth horror of subjugations

Blank slate…who gets to start over second chances?

Affordances given priorities that squeeze through the rabbi.thole

I want to wake up and find the truth revealed like an epiphany of hope

Go to sleep and hear the echoes of Utopia through the fascinations of Justice

Why?…. Is it always the wrong side… perplexed

When?… Will it ever all for one… One for…All

All the time waiting while the influx of injustices prosper

Through the time warp of history…present in inevitability…in focus

Pinpoint the moment where clarity reigned supreme in the white night of powerlessness that engulfed us in flames

~Lakesbeans

Untitled July 24th

As I move through this constantly shifting axis of nostalgic memories and newly formed prisms.

I find myself looking for the one thing that will bring me closer to me.

Authenticity of the mind leads to authenticity of the heart.

Opening channels of expansiveness and labor of compassion.

When it feeds your soul and sits in crevices.

Unites and solidifies in the faces of the unknown.

Forget what you know as your voice unearths delicate imaginings.

Sands of gold dust, feathers spread wide, hand in hand when walked alone.

The softness is rendered from the echoes of togetherness inside the opus of strings.

Whispers are gathered from the remaining well of magic that trails the heart of mind in lockstep.

~lakesbeans

With eyes shut

With eyes shut the melody comes through the softness of her gaze|She finds the moment for total immersion in the ecstasy of your touch|Until then there was only one inside the other|Until then there was only forever and always|Faithfully eternity is consequential in its finality|

~lakesbeans